A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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