i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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