I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up under a house in Key West
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