got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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