What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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