just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
