yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
