I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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