Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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