i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
