At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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