can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
