Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
