I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
