Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
