I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
