also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
