The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
