She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
