Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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