I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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