somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
