Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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