she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
