pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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