i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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