I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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