There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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