My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
