I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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