got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
