Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
