thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
