We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
