i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
