Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
