When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
try to milk me bitch
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