I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
