She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize