i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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