You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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