So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
