who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
