Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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