Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
