i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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