Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
this hospital has no fireball
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
