if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize