theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You can't motorboat a personality
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
