i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
