i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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