fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
