Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
