I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize