My room smells like vodka and shame
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Pants are for mortals
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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