worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
