like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
