he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
