dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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