I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
