he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We're too hungover to prance.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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