Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
