Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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