i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
