That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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