also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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